Friday, March 14, 2008


I'm in a funk.
Shocker, I know.

Some random thoughts:

School is done in 6 days. I have a LOT left to do. I was given the opportunity to procrastinate and - shocker - I did. Whoops. You'd think I'd just bite the bullet and get it over with, but you'd be wrong.
I'm really liking that Demitri Martin CD I got from Best Buy. He has some great one-liners (like I already said) such as:

"I've been trying a new product called "I can't believe it's not butter!" because sometimes, when I make toast, I like to be incredulous. They even tell you what emotion to feel! Sometimes I mix it with normal butter and think "I can believe some of this is butter." but then I go to restaurants and order rolls and when they ask if I want butter I think "I don't know what to believe anymore."

"Vests, I think, are great protection. Life vests protect you from drowning; bullet proof vests protect you from getting shot; sweater vests protect you from pretty girls."
So there's a birthday party tonight that I was invited to in a round-a-bout way. (A bulletin sent out on Myspace and a friend mentioning they were going to it then throwing in "you can come if you want")
I don't really know these people all that well, but I could tolerate a party for awhile. And I don't have anything better to do. I think it will be fine but...I don't know. I just feel like I've been a huge tag-along lately. :( That's a sucky feeling.
Along those lines, I kinda thought of a way to explain how I'm feeling about the whole break-up right now. It's like walking down a road towards your goals (for me, right now - finish school, get the job I would want forever or at least get on that career path, pay off debt, etc) and regardless of who is next to you on the road, you're still working towards those things. So when Jason decided he didn't want our relationship anymore, at first I felt abandoned. Only now I'm realizing that the road has never been what is important to me. It's ALWAYS been who I've been walking with. The road is still there - the goals are still being worked towards - but they are not the focus. They're not the point.
Think about it - what are my hobbies? Scrapbooking (looking back on times I've shared with people in hopes of remembering them more vividly), comedy clubs (which I would never go to by myself and I like seeing who people's favorite comedians are), and basically spending time with people! Over the years my hobbies have changed depending on who I was hanging out with - in Bellingham a lot of my friends liked to be outdoors, so I tried a lot of new things I'd never done before outside. When I worked at ITL they went to clubs, so that's what I did. When I hung out with Julie we did house parties and ball games. It's always changed! This reiterates my points - I'm not a goal person, I'm a companion person. That's hard.
And with just trying to cope with everything, it's hardest because I feel like my favorite, main companion just abandoned me. And the other companions I feel like I'm imposing on - just because companionship is something I want (and something Jason and previously provided me with) doesn't mean that now it's their responsibility.
So I have this special talent. When you hire me, you will get married.
This goes back to my days in high school working at Old Navy - the store manager got engaged less than a week after I started.
So did one of my leaders at MSM.
So did my boss at the phone company.
So did the chiropractor.
So did a co-worker at the relocation company.
So did (one of the two) my boss when I started my current job.
It's like "Good Luck Chuck" only cleaner. And more profitable for me.
I just was asked for my address for the most current boss - this will be, hands down, the most fancy wedding I have ever been to and probably will ever go to. Black tie, everything done the nicest (most expensive) way possible. I'm intrigued.
And dateless.
1 day until Lois Lowry (author of The Giver - my favorite book ever) is speaking in Seattle
3 days until St. Patty's Day - hopefully going to O'Finnigans Pub in Bothell/Everett
6 days until Winter Quarter Ends (finally!!)
11 days until I can talk to Jason again
14 days until I never wear contacts again (have a week of glasses before my surgery)
17 days until Spring Quarter Starts (yuck)
18 days until April Fools Day (my favorite Holiday! bwah ha ha)
21 days until my Lasik!!
23 days until Richest Loser ends (and I win) :)
34 days until I fly to California with the Fam.

No comments: