Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Random updates (2 parts currently)


Didn't call him last night, but felt weird not calling anyone on my drive home (have called him every day for the past 2.5 years...should feel odd...) so I called my dad. That helped, but I want to get to where I don't need to call anyone. Arg.

Took my Accounting midterm last night - felt really really good about it then checked my grade. I got a C. Out of 114 questions, I wrote a number wrong on my scratch paper and had to use that number in 5 other questions. Oh, and these were 9 point questions. So I dropped 20% of my grade for mis-writing. That is so irritating, I don't even know how to communicate it.

Didn't cry last night either. Did a lot of talking to myself, reminding myself that the harder I have to struggle, as long as I do the right thing, I will be stronger. I keep thinking of physical therapy type examples - like if you have been using crutches it hurts a LOT to start walking without them, but it's the only thing that will make you stronger. Have to keep telling myself that.

This morning was easier than yesterday, but still hard. I realized that while making breakfast, I thought a lot about him - have for awhile, just didn't realize it. That's what's been the hardest time for me lately. So today I tried to think about weight loss, accounting, business law, work, softball, friends....didn't really work to make me NOT think about him, but I think the effort helped my head a bit. I was struggling when I left home just wanting to call to talk to him and told myself "Just get to work and you'll be fine." and I made it.

I feel retarded giving myself props for not having contacted him in 24 hours, but I have to do that stuff to be able to make it.

I'm thinking about getting my hair trimmed and getting some lowlights put in. I know it's weird to make my hair darker, but I think I would like it. :) And if not, I can try to reverse it. ;)

10:52 AM

Just asked Jenn about kickboxing tonight. She might go, Clint is supposed to go - which...Jason will probably go. He's missed over a weeks' worth so I guess it's expected.

Saw these pictures I don't know about the last one (as to how I feel this moment) but the other two sum up yesterday/last night. (not so much today. Today is a decent day. Which worries me - does that mean tomorrow or the next day might be hard again?) :(

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