Friday, February 08, 2008

Proof I'm not the world's biggest drama queen (and some deep thoughts)

So...I posted earlier this week about my lame Business Law class. I logged onto our site yesterday and saw this:

"I spoke with (Business Department Chair) this morning and he told me that his hands are tied. Apparently there are privacy laws that prevent the head of the instructors permission to access their instructors courses. (He) apparently cannot view this course, despite his position, unless he is given permission by (Instructor) or unless she is fired. I have asked (Instructor) to grant (him) access to this online course by the end of the day and if she fails to comply, I will have no choice but to file a lawsuit against her and the school for my emotional distress. I am hoping that I do not have to resort to that but I will get my lawyers involved if these ongoing issues are not resolved (or on the way to being resolved) by the end of the day. Also, (he) informed me that he cannot accept any of our evidence, that he has to find his own evidence in order to resolve this issue, and he cannot collect evidence unless the prof. grants him permission, and as of now, she has not granted him permission (he asked for permission and she has not responded which is considered no permission)."

While I 100% agree that this whole thing is annoying and a waste of both time and money, LAWYERS?
See..I'm not the world's biggest drama queen! :)


So I've had a song stuck in my head all day today and it's one from about 6 years's a Christian song.

I found it online and it still gives me chills: CLICK HERE and preview Track 2: Dance With Me.

(Warning: This is about to get deep)
After I started listening to this song, I got so...I don't know...overwhelmed?
This song strikes a chord with me for a lot of reasons
(and not just because his voice is pretty amazing).
I was raised in church and that was all I knew, all I did and all I talked about for about 17 years. friend Tyler shook things up by questioning things.
Then I started questioning things.
Then I didn't want any part of things related to church cause I was afraid I was doing it because that was all I knew and it wasn't how I really felt.
But I didn't know how I really felt.
So when I went to college, I signed up for the party dorms.
I got put into the substance-free dorms full of Christians.
So I went along with it and was back with church stuff.
Then I did my internship (more church stuff).
Then I felt like a huge faker.
Around 2004 I realized I didn't know what I actually thought, but what I knew was screwing up what I could salvage from my thoughts.
For example:
Christianity focuses everything on having a relationship with God for the sole reason of spending eternity with Him. Well, when you have a hard time grasping the concept of heaven and hell, that kinda shoots that idea. What I had learned growing up proved to me that you have to believe in those things for Christianity to make sense (why would Jesus come, let alone die, if we didn't need to be saved from something/someone?) so now I'm just...confused.

I felt like I knew the religion, just not the relationship.
I tried to just not think about it, but growing up in the church taught me that was bad too.
So now I don't know what to think.
But I hear songs like "Dance With Me" and I feel like identify with that, but I don't know if it's because that's how I lived for the majority of my life so far or if it's because that's how I really feel.
I don't know.
But in the meantime I really like that song.

1 comment:

Ashley said...

I feel that way when I listen to certain songs too - I believe that is the Spirit bringing peace and bearing witness of truth.

I honestly believe we are here on earth for a purpose and that God loves us and has a plan for us. If you ever want to talk religion, call or email me (but if you don't, that's okay too). :)